Do you ever have one of those really BAD days??? My grandma used to say, "Sabrena, you got up on the wrong side of the bed." Off the subject, but there would be mornings where I would think about this, the bed was next to the wall, what other side is there for me to get out of bed?
Anyway, get up and grumpy. Then it's like one thing after another - kids are fighting, house is a mess, coffee is gone, etc. And the day just doesn't seem to be improving.
Then you get a phone call or a visit from a friend. Not just any friend, the one friend. The one who somehow lifts your spirits for no other reason except they're around. I'm so blessed to have friends like that. The ones that just show up for no real reason or agenda, just to hang out and see how you are.
I can always tell when I've made a new friend because I'll call them or they'll call me. Between IMing and texting, actually talking on the phone doesn't happen often enough. (David would totally disagree, he hates talking on the phone, but I'm a woman and I LOVE to talk.)
Anyway, thanks to the folks who just show up. You have no idea how much that means to me!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Let the life-change begin. . .
Pizza at 11 pm was hard to give up, the first time. McDonalds was the real kicker. I remember thinking, we eat here 3-4 times a week, if we could cut it down to just once or twice the pounds would start to come off. Eating out has always been my favorite thing to do. Something about being served delicious food and then not having to clean it up, what a treat. Besides McDonalds, we'd eat Chili's, Taco Bell and anything else that sounded good at the time.
However, I knew in my heart that I was very unhealthy and had a problem. David was huge too, and so I knew in order for me to change WE had to change. And so I prayed. I prayed that somehow God would change David's heart. And suddenly, HE DID! In November of 04 D went to Dr. and was told his BP was high and was borderline diabetic. He came home that day and told me that he was going to start going to the Y before work. At the same time, I decided to start working out after I got up and got the kids dressed in the morning. Actually, I started walking on the treadmill and watching ER. Every day I would go to the Y and walk. I weighed 200 pounds and I knew I looked like a fat idiot walking on that treadmill, I knew people were thinking, that person is so big, she is not going to take the weight off, but I was going to change and I was going to be the one in however many that really did lose the weight (so many other times I was not).
In February, I was at 190. I'd lost 10 pounds in 6 months. How devastating. But I was still feasting at McDonalds. David and I would go to the Y on Saturday, WATCH the boot camp class, think someday we'd be taking that class, and then we'd go to McDonalds for lunch.
Then a pivotal moment occured. One night David came home and was hungry. It was close to 11pm, and he went to turn on the stove. I spoke up and said, "Hey, how about instead of a frozen pizza, have a bowl of cereal." And while he pouted, he did have the cereal. It was at that moment that the food piece started to fall into place.
However, to be perfectly honest, I wasn't really sure what healthy eating looked like. So, I went to the library and checked out a book called, "Healthy Eating Everyday." I have to say, if someone ever wanted me to endorse a product, that would be it. Besides the Y it's the one thing that moved me forward leaps and bounds. It seems so funny to me now that I didn't know what to eat or what was healthy, but I just didn't. Our meals had lots of breads, white pasta, fatty cheese and butter. We lacked COLOR, and so I began to learn. At the same time, I had healthy friends who'd give me tips about what to add to my diet. It was amazing!Healthy food tasted GOOD!
And so, finally both the eating and exercising were in the right place at the right time and the weight started coming off. The more I changed, the better I felt and the more I wanted to lose. I must confess, it was hard. There were nights I would go to bed hungry. But you know what, I would think, I'm losing weight while I sleep. If I would eat before bed, I'd be eating away the weight loss. This helped.
To go from a size 20 to size 6 took 18 long months. And they were long. As pounds came off, other things were revealed. That's the part that people don't talk about. These weight loss programs make is sound like if you just eat right and exercise you'll lose weight. This is true in and of itself, however, the reason that I gained the weight in the first place was because I did not want to deal with the real issues. And that is a story for another day.
However, I knew in my heart that I was very unhealthy and had a problem. David was huge too, and so I knew in order for me to change WE had to change. And so I prayed. I prayed that somehow God would change David's heart. And suddenly, HE DID! In November of 04 D went to Dr. and was told his BP was high and was borderline diabetic. He came home that day and told me that he was going to start going to the Y before work. At the same time, I decided to start working out after I got up and got the kids dressed in the morning. Actually, I started walking on the treadmill and watching ER. Every day I would go to the Y and walk. I weighed 200 pounds and I knew I looked like a fat idiot walking on that treadmill, I knew people were thinking, that person is so big, she is not going to take the weight off, but I was going to change and I was going to be the one in however many that really did lose the weight (so many other times I was not).
In February, I was at 190. I'd lost 10 pounds in 6 months. How devastating. But I was still feasting at McDonalds. David and I would go to the Y on Saturday, WATCH the boot camp class, think someday we'd be taking that class, and then we'd go to McDonalds for lunch.
Then a pivotal moment occured. One night David came home and was hungry. It was close to 11pm, and he went to turn on the stove. I spoke up and said, "Hey, how about instead of a frozen pizza, have a bowl of cereal." And while he pouted, he did have the cereal. It was at that moment that the food piece started to fall into place.
However, to be perfectly honest, I wasn't really sure what healthy eating looked like. So, I went to the library and checked out a book called, "Healthy Eating Everyday." I have to say, if someone ever wanted me to endorse a product, that would be it. Besides the Y it's the one thing that moved me forward leaps and bounds. It seems so funny to me now that I didn't know what to eat or what was healthy, but I just didn't. Our meals had lots of breads, white pasta, fatty cheese and butter. We lacked COLOR, and so I began to learn. At the same time, I had healthy friends who'd give me tips about what to add to my diet. It was amazing!Healthy food tasted GOOD!
And so, finally both the eating and exercising were in the right place at the right time and the weight started coming off. The more I changed, the better I felt and the more I wanted to lose. I must confess, it was hard. There were nights I would go to bed hungry. But you know what, I would think, I'm losing weight while I sleep. If I would eat before bed, I'd be eating away the weight loss. This helped.
To go from a size 20 to size 6 took 18 long months. And they were long. As pounds came off, other things were revealed. That's the part that people don't talk about. These weight loss programs make is sound like if you just eat right and exercise you'll lose weight. This is true in and of itself, however, the reason that I gained the weight in the first place was because I did not want to deal with the real issues. And that is a story for another day.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Getting Fat - the EASY part
In order to have a GREAT weight loss story, a person needs to be really fat at one point. This was the easy part of the journey for me.
My dad's wife, Ann, would be more than happy to point out that I infact did NOT struggle with weight my entire life. When she met my dad I was in a 7 slim and I was 7 years old. True, but what she doesn't know is that when I was 5 and my parents split I pretty much stopped eating. I carry my stress in my stomach and as a kid I did it by NOT eating.
However, once I got a little older I discovered that eating really unhealthy food helped me bury whatever was going on in my life. Thankfully this really helped in my GETTING FAT experience. As life went on and I went to high school and then college, I continued to eat away my emotions. It was so much more FUN than dealing with what was going on in my life.
You may be wondering how I over came this. The truth is, I haven't. I've learned to speak up when something's bothering me, but I still EAT when I'm stressed. This summer for instance, I ate my weight at the Salty Iguana. Fortunatly, we've decreased our eating out, BUT the eating away stress is a struggle I will face for the rest of my life.
Back to the story: In high school I went from 145 pounds beginning my freshmen year to 160 by the end of that year. 160 was heavy, but my mom would tell you I had a beautiful body - THANKS MOM!!! I stayed at 160 through 4 years of high school, but then came college.
Let the partying begin, and not just the drinking, but the EATING!!! My friends and I would go to dinner at 4:30 pm. Then we'd be sure to order pizza, stop at Taco Bell or McDonalds around 9ish. Living like that I topped out at 190. I knew I was big, but life was studying and eating, so it didn't really matter to me at that time. No, that's not true. It did matter, but I didn't have the discipline or the desire to do anything about it. I liked EATING and it worked for me.
Once I graduated from college, I got an apartment and needed something to do. I invested in a treadmill, and began to shave off the pounds. Soon I was back to the 160 of high school days.
Then another event triggered old habits- I met David. Once we were engaged, I decided it didn't actually matter how I looked. Isn't the point of being fit to land a guy???? And so once again the EATING began.
At our honeymoon I was back to 190 pounds. Then I got pregnant. WOW, finally, I was supposed to be fat. And believe me, I took full advantage of that - eating Taco Bell at 11pm, DQ Blizzards, you name it, NOTHING was OFF limits. And the great thing was, David was willing to share in my eating obsession. And so we GREW and GREW and GREW. I delivered Gracen weighing in at 240 pounds - ROCK ON!!!!
Then came baby number 2. I think I only gained 10 pounds with him, but when you're already at 220, 230 is still ENORMOUS! After Jadon was born, David and I decided I would stay home with the kids. I got the old treadmill out, and went down to 200 pounds pretty easily. Then came pregnancy number 3. I feel like I did more during that pregnancy - we belonged to the Y so I took a water aerobics class with the older folks, and I believe I may have walked on the track too. So when I delivered Abby I was at 219. NOT BAD! And I immediatly dropped to 208. WHEW HEW, getting skinny for sure.
There's so much more to this story than the numbers though. There's this really BIG lie I would tell myself when I would look at David. "We are just big people. It's OK that we're so fat, we can just be fat happy people." Of course this is a lie, when I was fat, I was NOT happy. I was eating away whatever was bothering me. Not to mention, I was NOT attracted to David. OK, I know, that's really bad - he's my husband, but HE WAS HUGE!!!! It was gross. The two of us were just gross!!!
So what happened to change that???
My dad's wife, Ann, would be more than happy to point out that I infact did NOT struggle with weight my entire life. When she met my dad I was in a 7 slim and I was 7 years old. True, but what she doesn't know is that when I was 5 and my parents split I pretty much stopped eating. I carry my stress in my stomach and as a kid I did it by NOT eating.
However, once I got a little older I discovered that eating really unhealthy food helped me bury whatever was going on in my life. Thankfully this really helped in my GETTING FAT experience. As life went on and I went to high school and then college, I continued to eat away my emotions. It was so much more FUN than dealing with what was going on in my life.
You may be wondering how I over came this. The truth is, I haven't. I've learned to speak up when something's bothering me, but I still EAT when I'm stressed. This summer for instance, I ate my weight at the Salty Iguana. Fortunatly, we've decreased our eating out, BUT the eating away stress is a struggle I will face for the rest of my life.
Back to the story: In high school I went from 145 pounds beginning my freshmen year to 160 by the end of that year. 160 was heavy, but my mom would tell you I had a beautiful body - THANKS MOM!!! I stayed at 160 through 4 years of high school, but then came college.
Let the partying begin, and not just the drinking, but the EATING!!! My friends and I would go to dinner at 4:30 pm. Then we'd be sure to order pizza, stop at Taco Bell or McDonalds around 9ish. Living like that I topped out at 190. I knew I was big, but life was studying and eating, so it didn't really matter to me at that time. No, that's not true. It did matter, but I didn't have the discipline or the desire to do anything about it. I liked EATING and it worked for me.
Once I graduated from college, I got an apartment and needed something to do. I invested in a treadmill, and began to shave off the pounds. Soon I was back to the 160 of high school days.
Then another event triggered old habits- I met David. Once we were engaged, I decided it didn't actually matter how I looked. Isn't the point of being fit to land a guy???? And so once again the EATING began.
At our honeymoon I was back to 190 pounds. Then I got pregnant. WOW, finally, I was supposed to be fat. And believe me, I took full advantage of that - eating Taco Bell at 11pm, DQ Blizzards, you name it, NOTHING was OFF limits. And the great thing was, David was willing to share in my eating obsession. And so we GREW and GREW and GREW. I delivered Gracen weighing in at 240 pounds - ROCK ON!!!!
Then came baby number 2. I think I only gained 10 pounds with him, but when you're already at 220, 230 is still ENORMOUS! After Jadon was born, David and I decided I would stay home with the kids. I got the old treadmill out, and went down to 200 pounds pretty easily. Then came pregnancy number 3. I feel like I did more during that pregnancy - we belonged to the Y so I took a water aerobics class with the older folks, and I believe I may have walked on the track too. So when I delivered Abby I was at 219. NOT BAD! And I immediatly dropped to 208. WHEW HEW, getting skinny for sure.
There's so much more to this story than the numbers though. There's this really BIG lie I would tell myself when I would look at David. "We are just big people. It's OK that we're so fat, we can just be fat happy people." Of course this is a lie, when I was fat, I was NOT happy. I was eating away whatever was bothering me. Not to mention, I was NOT attracted to David. OK, I know, that's really bad - he's my husband, but HE WAS HUGE!!!! It was gross. The two of us were just gross!!!
So what happened to change that???
Monday, September 8, 2008
First post, all over the place. . .
Wow, blogging, I have a voice. What a great concept. I can write whatever I want about anything I want, click a button and it's out there. COOL!
That's what I love about Girls on the Run - encourages girls to USE their voice. As a kid, I was taught to BE QUIET. Maybe not intentionally, but that was definitly the message I got. Don't cause trouble, just endure the mess, and try to survive. Oh, I know we ALL have dysfunction in our childhoods, but for some reason, I wore mine like a badge of courage. "You know what happened to me. . ." And then later, "You know how I rebelled?" I just keep thinking though if I would have been taught to SPEAK, to say, "THIS IS HURTING MY FEELINGS, PLEASE STOP," maybe life would have been different for me. Then again, is different better?
Things are really good for me right now:
I'm healthier than ever, training for a half marathon. I'm building the ever controversial relationship with my dad and his wife. I'm having time to just myself, and taking care of my house, my husband, and my kids. It doesn't get any better than this. God is all over everything. He's right here with me pushing me forward and teaching me to trust him. It's a good life. We've made choices for me to be home with the kids, and what an easy transition to help out at studio while kids are gone during the day. Doing all the things I love - Girls on the Run, administrative stuff for DLT, planning events, FUN!!!
I have all these thoughts and I guess I thought they'd just come out very organized and ready for people to read. Well, be gentle, I'm new at this. I'm practicing for my story. People are requesting hearing my story about weight loss/gain/loss. A woman's point of view about something that most women struggle with. I'll be working on that next.
That's what I love about Girls on the Run - encourages girls to USE their voice. As a kid, I was taught to BE QUIET. Maybe not intentionally, but that was definitly the message I got. Don't cause trouble, just endure the mess, and try to survive. Oh, I know we ALL have dysfunction in our childhoods, but for some reason, I wore mine like a badge of courage. "You know what happened to me. . ." And then later, "You know how I rebelled?" I just keep thinking though if I would have been taught to SPEAK, to say, "THIS IS HURTING MY FEELINGS, PLEASE STOP," maybe life would have been different for me. Then again, is different better?
Things are really good for me right now:
I'm healthier than ever, training for a half marathon. I'm building the ever controversial relationship with my dad and his wife. I'm having time to just myself, and taking care of my house, my husband, and my kids. It doesn't get any better than this. God is all over everything. He's right here with me pushing me forward and teaching me to trust him. It's a good life. We've made choices for me to be home with the kids, and what an easy transition to help out at studio while kids are gone during the day. Doing all the things I love - Girls on the Run, administrative stuff for DLT, planning events, FUN!!!
I have all these thoughts and I guess I thought they'd just come out very organized and ready for people to read. Well, be gentle, I'm new at this. I'm practicing for my story. People are requesting hearing my story about weight loss/gain/loss. A woman's point of view about something that most women struggle with. I'll be working on that next.
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